Impermanence of life captured on 'film'
by Michelle Doty Magan, my first guest blogger
Photo credit Michelle Doty Magan
This is my first guest blogger on the the impermance of life captured on 'film'
Michelle Doty Magan is dear old friend, brilliant mom, military wife, liver donor recipient, and currently fighting death with sheer positivity and winning brilliantly, I may add.Here she shares her her desire to capture life in photographs to be able to always transport her 8 year old twin boys back to recall exactly how beautiful, light, loving, and fun and fiecely determined their mother is.
Capturing memories - Michelle Magan
A dear college friend of mine, Gretchen, recently invited me to write a post for her blog, and here I am. I blog, as a bit of therapy, and the hope that I may be able to help others see that there is often so much beauty in the struggle. I have stage four liver disease and separately, a deadly cancer, cholangiocarcinoma. But what is more important, I have an amazing husband and twin eight year old boys that I am crazy about.
Gretchen reached out after one of my recent posts struck a chord with her. Particularly the following thoughts I shared when writing about what it feels like when you know you are going to die long before the average life span. “I find I watch more now, especially my family, taking it all in, with fresh eyes, not wanting to miss a moment. I used to love photography, and I still do. But I have put down the camera more often, just to soak it in.”
Many of you reading this know Gretchen well. You know she is full of light and exudes positivity. Soon after I met her, very early in our college days, she tragically lost someone she deeply loved. her first love. Yet there she was then, and here she is now, still shining. As I put the camera aside to try to really relish these limited moments, Gretchen clinched on tighter to her camera—her lifetime hobby and passion. She lost moments with someone she loves, and became even more enamored with photography. At that time of a incredibly sorrowful loss, she was immediately struck with the impermanence of life and how photographs can transport us back. This is now her life’s work as a family photographer— freezing a beautiful moment in time for families and people from all walks of life.
Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is
captured forever… It remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.
— Aaron SiskindGretchen’s perspective is one that has given me pause and actually caused me some regrets.
While I love to take photos, I hide from being in photos. I am confident in my own skin, but ALWAYS cringe at seeing myself on camera or video. Do I really look that old, my teeth are crooked like my dad’s and I have his droopy eyelid, I am shaped like a boy...and so on. But here I am, looking back at photos from when the boys were younger; I have taken 90% of those pics. There are some of Jacob and the boys, grandparents and the boys, boys with their friends...rarely you will find me with them. And the few and far between of those photos I do have, I so cherish them. It is the same with Jacob. I don’t have many of the two of us, but I love the ones I have.
One of my favorite social media friends, Erin, (seriously, we have only met face to face one or two times, but she is one of my favorite people on Facebook) sent the boys instant cameras, to capture living in the moment. Such a thoughtful gift. Those cameras got put away by me after a couple of months, but I am pulling them back out. I am going to face my discomfort more often and stay in the picture vs. find any excuse possible to step out. I am going to hand the camera to someone and maybe even, gasp, ask them to take a few candid shots... I so dislike the posed ones. Just capture the moment, “the impermanence of life”. I want the boys to have something that can transport them back, so they never forget how incredibly loved they were/ are by their mom.
Love to all,
chelle
Read more poignant and inspirational messages on her beautiful blog here.
My most favorite is, WAKING UP WHEN LIFE STARTS WINDING DOWN
